A friend in need is a friend I don't need.
By Kevin - 9/8/2004 09:22
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. [Winston Churchill]
By JooJ - 7/13/2004 06:00
Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. [Irene Peter]
By Anon - 7/13/2004 09:04
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
By Ellis - 7/27/2004 11:16
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. [Agatha Christie]
By JooJ - 8/14/2004 06:46
An eye for an eye, will make the whole world blind. [Mohandas K. Gandhi]
By Anon - 7/27/2004 05:20
Anger is only one letter short of danger.
By Anon - 7/27/2004 00:03
Being funny doesn't mean you aren't serious. [Gene Shalit]
By Anon - 8/18/2004 09:02
Bravery and stupidity go hand in hand.
By JooJ - 8/2/2004 06:40
Buy land. They've stopped making it. [Mark Twain]
By Anon - 7/13/2004 12:35
Chance favors the prepared mind. [Louis Pasteur]
By Anon - 7/31/2004 01:10
Comedy is tragedy... plus time. [Carol Burnett]
By Anon - 8/12/2004 16:34
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
By Tina - 7/17/2004 13:41
Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?
By Cinderella - 8/12/2004 17:44
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
By louli - 8/15/2004 08:37
Don't be afraid of the after life... be afraid of the unlived life.
By Anon - 7/14/2004 03:11
Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die.
By PoolGod - 7/27/2004 19:27
Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
By Anon - 7/13/2004 16:04
Giving up smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times. [Mark Twain]
By Anon - 7/13/2004 12:37
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
By PhxLady00 - 8/2/2004 15:21
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days. [Benjamin Franklin]
By Anon - 7/13/2004 12:23
Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born? [Benny Hill]
By Anon - 7/13/2004 12:02
He did each single thing as if he did nothing else. [Charles Dickens]
By Anon - 7/31/2004 03:14
Help wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
By Anon - 7/14/2004 07:26
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
By Anon - 7/13/2004 10:03
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
By Mary - 7/18/2004 02:11
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
By Jos - 7/18/2004 03:25
I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at. [Wilson Mizner]
By Ellis - 7/19/2004 09:13
I close my eyes to see you.
By Emoxer - 7/13/2004 07:08
I didn't ask for alphabet soup! You're trying to put words in my mouth!
By Anon - 8/21/2004 06:57
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months; I don't like to interrupt her.
By JooJ - 7/19/2004 14:57
I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
By Anon - 7/13/2004 06:26
I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him? [Jerry Seinfeld]
By Anon - 7/13/2004 23:14
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? [Jerry Seinfeld]
By Dianna - 8/14/2004 15:40
If I follow you home, will you keep me?
By Anon - 7/13/2004 09:28
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
By Gool - 7/20/2004 00:34
If you can dream it, you can do it. [Walt Disney]
By Anon - 7/29/2004 14:27
If you lend a person $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
By Mandy-Lou - 8/1/2004 01:02
If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys!
By Jos - 8/12/2004 10:41
If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out. [Lawrence Ferlinghetti]
By JooJ - 8/9/2004 07:20
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
By Anon - 7/13/2004 06:07
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
By Anon - 7/27/2004 10:33
I'm not controlling as long as things go my way!
By Anon - 7/13/2004 13:34
It is better to build children than repair adults.
By Anon - 8/9/2004 02:25
It is not what they say about you, it's what they whisper.
By Anon - 7/14/2004 01:02
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious.
By Katy - 7/16/2004 09:27
It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys. [Longfellow Deeds, Mr Deeds]
By JooJ - 7/29/2004 22:09
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.
By Anon - 8/18/2004 10:24
Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. [Mark Twain]
By Anon - 8/16/2004 02:21
Make good habits and they will make you. [Parks Cousins]
By Anon - 8/14/2004 15:11
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
By Anon - 7/15/2004 13:26
Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence.
By Tammy - 10/26/2004 16:21
My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
By Anon - 7/12/2004 20:12
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
By Emoxer - 7/14/2004 01:27
Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
By Anon - 7/13/2004 05:07
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. [Napoleon Bonaparte]
By Anon - 7/31/2004 14:41
Never miss a good chance to shut up. [Will Rogers]
By Anon - 7/13/2004 12:56
Nobody ever drowned in sweat.
By JooJ - 8/17/2004 18:17
Peggy Bundy: "Hi Al, did you miss me?"... Al Bundy: "With every bullet so far!".
By Diego - 7/29/2004 04:05
Poor is the pupil who does not surpass his master. [Leonardo da Vinci]
By Anon - 7/21/2004 06:48
Q: What is the definition of divorce? A: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
By Anon - 8/5/2004 12:09
Running makes water taste so good!
By JooJ - 8/22/2004 01:07
Search my soul, and you will see what you mean to me.
By Emoxer - 7/13/2004 07:37
Second place is the first loser.
By Emoxer - 7/13/2004 05:01
Shared pain is decreased; shared joy, increased.
By Anon - 8/17/2004 13:06
Smoking helps you lose weight, one lung at a time!
By Anon - 8/22/2004 01:18
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once!
By Jos - 7/18/2004 07:53
Tell the truth and run!
By JooJ - 8/21/2004 12:02
The dumb only seem to get dumber!
By Dianna - 7/27/2004 23:49
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
By JooJ2 - 7/13/2004 06:34
The hottest love has the coldest end. [Socrates]
By Anon - 8/13/2004 01:11
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on TV?", I said "Dust".
By Anon - 7/17/2004 12:54
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
By Anon - 7/13/2004 09:45
The only stupid question is the question you don't ask.
By JooJ - 9/22/2004 09:21
The sound of laughter has always been the nicest music in the universe.
By Anon - 8/17/2004 15:27
The way a man wins shows most of his character. The way he loses shows all of it.
By Anon - 7/31/2004 04:01
The word "Listen" contains the same letters as the word "Silent".
By JooJ - 9/22/2004 08:27
There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread. [Mother Teresa]
By Anon - 8/17/2004 03:37
Want some cheeeeeeese to go with your whine(ing)?
By Anon - 7/14/2004 15:52
We don't quit playing because we grow old, we grow old because we quit playing.
By Ben Franklin - 8/12/2004 23:07
We must either find a way or make one. [Hannibal]
By Anon - 8/11/2004 05:36
What one does upon himself, even his worst enemy can't do.
By Panther - 8/11/2004 19:50
What you resist, persists. What you look at, disappears.
By Emoxer - 7/26/2004 13:22
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
By Charbel - 7/15/2004 01:07
When you hug someone, never be the first to let go.
By Anon - 8/19/2004 02:27
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
By Seinfeld - 7/19/2004 15:09
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
By Seinfeld - 7/15/2004 09:19
Why don't psychics win the lottery?
By Anon - 7/15/2004 20:52
Why is it that a pizza gets to your house faster than an ambulance?
By Anon - 7/13/2004 22:02
Work smarter, not harder.
By Ya Linda - 7/21/2004 07:56
You can't stay mad at someone that makes you laugh. [Jay Leno]
By Anon - 8/2/2004 11:03
Your failure to plan ahead does not make it my emergency!
By Anon - 7/16/2004 00:52