When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.  9/6/2014 03:50

Cars need 'Sorry' lights people can activate when they do something stupid.  9/6/2014 03:49

Using your old laptop to research buying a new one is like asking it to dig its own grave.  By JooJ - 9/6/2014 03:49

Since a straight line only needs two points, you and I are perfectly lined up right now.  9/6/2014 03:48

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it. [Joan Rivers]  9/6/2014 03:47

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks. [Joan Rivers]  9/6/2014 03:47

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. [Joan Rivers]  9/6/2014 03:47

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery. [Joan Rivers]  9/6/2014 03:46

At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass! [Joan Rivers]  9/6/2014 03:46

All I ever heard when I was a kid was, 'Why can't you be more like your cousin Sheila?' And Sheila had died at birth. [Joan Rivers]  9/6/2014 03:45