You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it. [Joan Rivers]  9/6/2014 03:47

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks. [Joan Rivers]  9/6/2014 03:47

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. [Joan Rivers]  9/6/2014 03:47

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery. [Joan Rivers]  9/6/2014 03:46

At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass! [Joan Rivers]  9/6/2014 03:46

All I ever heard when I was a kid was, 'Why can't you be more like your cousin Sheila?' And Sheila had died at birth. [Joan Rivers]  9/6/2014 03:45

Don't waste your effort on a thing that results in a petty triumph unless you are satisfied with a life of petty issues. [John Rockefeller]  By Raja - 9/4/2014 09:27

Before you try to do it faster, ask whether it should be done at all. [Eric Barker]  By JooJ - 9/1/2014 02:28

It's not Monday that is bad, it's your job, so stop complaining and start doing what you like.  9/1/2014 01:42

I'm what others are not to me.  8/31/2014 08:09