Being an adult is like looking both ways before crossing the street, but then getting hit by an airplane.  10/25/2016 20:52

When you stand up too fast and suddenly you're floating through space and time.  By JooJ - 10/25/2016 20:51

I feel like I'm already tired tomorrow.  10/25/2016 20:51

Stay home: I should have gone out. Go out: I should have stayed home.  By JooJ - 10/25/2016 20:47

My dentist told me I need a crown. I'm like, I know right?  10/25/2016 20:46

I used to be addicted to soap, but now I'm clean.  By JooJ - 10/25/2016 20:45

My favorite part of cooking is when the delivery guy shows up.  10/25/2016 20:43

If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say 'Science appreciates you'.  10/25/2016 20:43

Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting deleted.  By JooJ - 10/25/2016 20:35

The original creator of the phrase 'Common Sense' surely didn't know many people.  By JooJ - 10/25/2016 20:31