Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. [Jimmy Shubert]  8/12/2007 06:10

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. [Les Dawson]  8/11/2007 11:54

The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.  8/11/2007 04:44

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges. [Jack Handy]  8/10/2007 03:05

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. [Samuel Goldwyn]  8/10/2007 02:05

Thanks for the failures, they have made me successful.  By Phil - 8/10/2007 01:58

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them good manners.  8/10/2007 01:45

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"  8/10/2007 01:32

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.  8/9/2007 07:12

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.  8/9/2007 01:11